Trepidations, self esteem, salvation

Wow..where to begin.

Let's start with trepidations....

The definition of trepidation is basically the feeling of dread. That would be the correct word to sum up the idea of sitting in front of a table, creating things by hand, then having the audacity to think that someone would want to purchase these things. Who the heck was I? Who do I think I am? Are these things good enough? Will people like them? What if they think it's shoddy work?

Can't you just hear all of that negativity buzzing around like a swarm of mosquitoes in the middle of summer?

Those were only some of the thoughts I was having when I looked at everything I had created just sitting there staring back at me and basically saying, "What now?"

I sat on my creations for quite a while, months actually. I debated on doing craft shows but never quite committed to anything. I showed everyone I knew all of the things I had made and reveled in the praise and "oooos" and "ahhhs" everything received, but would very quickly fall back into that shadow of self doubt and wondering if anything I made would actually be good enough.

I guess it all comes down to self esteem; something that I have lacked in the past, and I'm sure will always lack no matter how I try to compensate. I am fortunate however, to have another half, a partner, a friend, a soulmate to knock some sense into my rather large thick head (with great hair btw).

Salvation came in the form of someone who always gave me support, encouragement, and had the guts to tell me when something was just plain horrible without slamming me so badly I never wanted to pick up another soldering iron or bead again.

To put it simply, this post is a thank you to my other half for always having my back.